It’s funny how long it takes for a concept or lesson to really sink into the fabric of my being. I often chide, as I marvel at how incredibly fast people are able to grasp concepts that have taken me years to understand, that the reason I was born so long ago was so that I would have the time needed to be on track with the world today. This weekend I was reminded, once again, of a lesson that will hopefully sink into my consciousness and remain more consistent in my daily life.
After viewing the movie “Chasing Mavericks,” I was struck with the realization that the lead character would not have become the great and inspirational person he did if he had allowed himself to be the victim of the “bad guys.” Let me explain a little further.
This movie is based on the true story of Jay Moriarity (played by Jonny Weston) who became an icon and surfing legend in the middle and late1990s. Brought up in a low income area of Santa Cruz, California and haunted by the abandonment of his father, he discovers that the mythic Maverick waves (some of the biggest waves on earth) exist just miles down the road from his home. The story unfolds by showing how everything Jay needs to attempt surfing the Mavericks, including the expert guidance of a local surfing legend who has already ridden them, is provided for him. It shows how the rigorous training, mental attitude, and courage he develops is achieved by facing his greatest challenges. These include a mother for whom he often has to babysit, lack of funds, friends on drugs, and working two shifts back to back at the local pizzeria. Eventually he has to face his biggest fear of all: why his father left him.
As I thought about this I realized that many of us would allow these circumstances, and particularly the father, to be the “bad guy” in our life so that we could (probably unconsciously) stay small. After all, what kind of father would leave his family and never even write or send assistance? It seems most of us consistently blame another person for our problems. But here’s the interesting thing. Jay’s life could not have developed as it did if his father were present. Every nuance of his story unfolded perfectly under the circumstances he was in. The man who taught him to ride the Mavericks (played by Gerard Butler) had his own trials and tribulations. One of them was the challenge to become a good father. Who better to teach him than a young fatherless teenager bent on surfing the Mavericks? His mother also learned the lessons she needed to learn by being a single parent. These included learning to accept responsibility for her situation and opening her heart to what she had versus what she felt she had lost. His friends learned to break through their barriers of prejudice and jealousy because of Jay’s accepting attitude. On and on the lessons go in all of their perfection.
So I ask you, who is the bad guy? Is he the one who takes the fall for bringing us the challenges we need to become exactly the person we want to become? Now, I am not condoning irresponsible behavior. I am only pointing out that our judgment and assessment of a situation is often times lacking perspective of a bigger picture. So often we cast stones at those who challenge our lives or don’t fit into the accepted mold of who we believe they should be. Can we simply learn to accept what is and move forward in our life without blame? To go one step further, can we apply that acceptance to ourselves? Surely there have been times when each of us have acted unconsciously or irresponsibly impacting the lives of others in a seemingly negative way. Can we learn to accept our own mistakes, move on, and grow, knowing that even the person or persons negatively impacted have a choice in how they respond?
Jesus said “Judge not lest ye be judged”. I believe part of what he was saying is that every judgment, in some way, is self judgment.
Yes, it’s a strange little planet, so complex and so much of it hidden from view that it really is impossible to comprehend. Yet here we are looking for the bad guys. When you find them would you let me know?
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